A New Beginning

January 22, 2018

Hello! Wow…it completely feels so weird to be typing this post after 8 months. I can’t believe the turn my life took in the last year and where it has led me today. I honestly didn’t know if I would ever return to Chic Serendipity and I had many sleepless nights thinking about it. Before I get into why I actually decided to return to Chic Serendipity, you need to understand why I stopped in the beginning. Warning…this is a super personal post, probably one of the most personal posts I have written. I even debated if I wanted to share, but since this is a whole new beginning for me, I thought I might as well share. Thanks for following along!!

My last post on Instagram was the day before I went on a weekend cruise with my best friends. We were originally planning (for months) to go to the country music festival Stagecoach, but a last minute cancelled ticket and my boyfriend not wanting to go ultimately led me to making the decision to not attend this year. Funny how little decisions or freak chances here and there can completely transform your life…more on that later but just know for now that all these little things that happened or I chose to do led me to where I am today.

So after deciding not to go to Stagecoach, my friends and I decided to go on a weekend cruise to Mexico instead. We expected a wonderful time full of sun, unlimited drinks and food, and just an all around cheesy sort of good time. And it totally was…it was so much fun and literally a time I will never forget in my life. However, returning from that trip, I wasn’t happy. It wasn’t the post-vacation blues either, I was conflicted on how I wanted my life to continue. Up until this point, I was living with my boyfriend of 4 years at the time for about a year and a half. I was 23 and felt like I was living the life of a 60 year old grandma. There is definitely not anything wrong with that, but I felt stagnant and complaisant in my life. I wasn’t ruling my life, I was letting my life rule me. While I have never been a party animal or a wild girl, I felt like something in my life was missing. I started having doubts about whether or not my boyfriend was the one I wanted to be with forever. I felt like I had outgrown the life that we were planning together. I felt we were in two separate places in our lives and I couldn’t see how we were ever going to meet in the middle again. To give you some context, I met him when I was 18 and he was 23. We were young and did a ton of growing up in the 5 years we have known each other. We changed and we didn’t necessarily change together. We were outgrowing each other and wanted different things. He knew that and I knew that. Knowing that made me question if he was the one for me.

I decided after nights of crying to my mommy that I had to bring it up to my boyfriend. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I told TJ and to make a long story short, he agreed, said he was feeling the same way for a long time, and left our apartment that night. That was one of the loneliest nights of my life, but I somehow felt relieved. I was so sad and spent too many hours to count crying. But ultimately I felt like I had this huge weight lifted off my shoulder and that I could start finding myself again. I really felt like I had lost myself in the last year and a half of my relationship. I forgot who I was as an individual person outside of my relationship. I needed to find this person again outside of TJ. And TJ needed to find himself outside of me as well.

That’s exactly what I took the next 6 months doing. I started becoming the “yes” girl, saying yes to any new opportunities that came my way, going out of my comfort zone, and really started putting myself out there. TJ moved out of our apartment together and I moved in with one of my best friends to a completely new city. A little over a month after our breakup, I went on three back to back weekend trips: a vacation to Vegas with my best friends, discovered a new city with family in Chicago, and decided on a whim to go to EDC in Las Vegas. It was an insane couple of weeks and I had the most amazing summer. I felt like I was living such an exciting life that I didn’t know was possible. I realized this was the type of life I wanted. I wanted a life of excitement and a life of adventure. I did a lot of things that took me out of my comfort zone, but it opened my eyes a little and made me realize we only have one life to live and we need to do what makes us happy.

I wasn’t sure if this was the life TJ wanted or if he even wanted me at all. We still talked throughout the summer and as I was realizing things about myself, he was doing the same for himself. He, like me, felt like he was in a rut he couldn’t get out of…going through the motions and just living without really being alive. He took the time to think about what he wanted and the steps to better himself. We gradually started dating again, taking it slow, and falling back in love with each other. We had long talks about life and about each other. We really tried to understand one another, where we have been, where we were, and where we want to go. That ultimately led us to realize we didn’t want to live without each other…I don’t think it is even possible to do so at this point. Sure, the breakup sucked, but it was probably the best thing that could have ever happened to each other. We felt what it would feel like to really lose each other. We both missed each other, and realized all along we only wanted each other.

There are a lot of other things that contributed to our break up and getting back together, but ultimately I realized I wanted to experience life’s adventures with him by my side and he realized he wanted that too. We were both taking each other for granted and we were stuck in this rut. Once we stepped outside of it and took an outsider’s perspective, we were able to fully appreciate the love and life we had built together. The past couple of months haven’t been easy and there are still moments that are super hard in our relationship. But now we know that we want to be together forever and build the life of our dreams. I also think we realized we needed to take more time for ourselves and focus on what makes us happy as individuals. We are still figuring out what our life is going to look like, but we are taking it day by day. Without this break up, I think we could have ended up completely separating down the road when things were too damaged and couldn’t be fixed.

So here I am, 8 months later with a summer of heartbreak, spontaneity, and rediscovery behind me and my eyes completely focused on the present and future. Now that I finally feel like I’m in a good place again, I wanted to share my story with you. I decided to come back to Chic Serendipity because I absolutely love it. At the same time my relationship was falling apart, so was my life. I was stuck in this rut not wanting to hang out with friends and family, not wanting to take the time to build Chic Serendipity, dreading going to work everyday. I didn’t want to do any of the things that once made me happy because I felt like I wasn’t myself anymore. I didn’t feel like the happy go-lucky girl I always thought I was. It took some major self discovery to get to the place I am now and that is why it was important to share my story with you.

If any of you are going through something similar, just know you aren’t alone. I would talk to my mom and ask her why the hell I felt that way and how to get out of the rut. It is a scary feeling when you no longer feel like yourself. But I encourage you not to shut that feeling out. I truly believe you need to feel that in order to rise above it. Without embracing that feeling and finally being honest with myself about certain aspects of my life, I might be in that same place where I wasn’t happy living my life. Of course everything isn’t always rosy, but now I feel excited for the future. I feel excited for bettering myself and being the best possible version of myself. I feel excited to start again with TJ and live our life of adventure. I feel excited to start Chic Serendipity back up and feel that passion again. I feel excited for my life.

As I start Chic Serendipity again there will be some changes that I will detail in a future post. But expect more lifestyle posts because sure fashion and style is fun…but when it comes down to it we are all looking for someone or something to relate to on all aspects of life.

Thank you so much for reading and if any of you are feeling this way and can relate, I am here for you. If you want someone who knows how you feel, you’ve got a friend in me.

XX-Samantha

 

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